To Kill Or Die For
by Miss Ivy Kitten Wonder
Summary: Hermione on the way to herself again. (Future pairing secret for now, but before the end comes there will be romance, promise!) ON HOLD FOR NOW
1. Waking up

_**The characters and main ideas belong to the queen J.K. Rowling.  
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 _\- My heart swings back and forth beneath the need for routine and the urge to run -_

Hermione Granger shot up from her slumber in the middle of the night. Silently trying to orientate herself, she realizes she sits on her bed in the flat she rents in the Diagon Ally. She breathes in deeply, ruffling through her hair. And then she remembers the evening before: she just had a huge fight with Ron.

It has been two years since the war ended, she had finished her school education and was now working in the Ministry of Magic, recently as a secretary of Magical Creatures.

Ron is currently helping George with the Weasly Shop and Harry is in his first year of Auror training and therefore constantly busy. Ginny plays her first season professional Quidditch for the Chuddley Cannons and Luna is travelling and searching for rare creatures no one else can see or believe in but her – and probably her dad, but no one really knows.

Neville is Professor Sprouts' protégée and is intensely studying this subject, totally lost to the rest of the world as it seems.

And Hermione was stuck.

She loves her routine, especially after the war ended. And that is why she clutches it with all she has, not wanting to let go of it.

And then there is her boyfriend of two years. The first affection they had for each other gradually faded away and it all grew grey and into exactly that routine. They only saw each other every second day, mostly eating at Hermione's place and on the weekends in the burrow. Their intimate life was from the start not satisfying and always rather short lived and ungentle. Their sad attempts to get physically close to each other stopped one and a half year ago already. There is no passion in their relationship and obviously no love too.

They stayed in their relationship just because of the one and only fact that they are used to it.

And now the young woman is torn between that routine she thinks she needs so badly, but also with the giant urge to run as far away as she can as fast as she can.

That is exactly the feeling she has as she sits on her bed, fighting for breath and wrestling with her ideals she has so strongly set in her mind.

After a while she gets up from her bed, silently walking to her kitchen and taking leftovers of the Chinese noodles she ate for dinner the previous night out of the fridge, poking it with the chopsticks that are still sticking in them and settling herself on the kitchen table.

Crookshanks comes over to her, purring around her back and settling in her lap.

"What am I doing here, Crookshanks?" Her voice is not louder than a whisper , but he still meows her an answer.

And then she thinks of her parents. They live happily in Down Under and will probably not ever remember her again, she knows that. But if they could, she just knows that they would be deeply disappointed with her now. They always teached her to respect herself, to chase her dreams and to never let the world tell her no when she hadn't yet tried everything that is possible.

And right in this moment the weight of the world shifted, and it was impossible for her to not change her life anymore.

She decides that first of all she needs to talk to Ronald, it is more than time to end this pointless relationship. She already knows what he thinks about this, but for the first time it didn't matter to her at all anymore. And so she finishes her food, brushes her teeth, gets clothed and apparats to his flat as soon as the door shuts behind her.

She knocks on his front door, but no one answers. The readhead usually sleeps like a rock, so she doesn't think much of it. She tries the handle and finds the door unlocked anyway. When she steps inside she immediately hears the noises from the bedroom.

Slowly she walks towards that room and looks through the gap of the half opened door.

In the bed she sees Ron absolutely engrossed in a woman.

She does not want to watch them further, so she turns around and walks back to the living room, browsing a book out of the shelves on the wall and slumping down with it on the couch. She silently charms the room around her to be noiseless and starts to read the book, waiting for the two people to finish their business.

Half an hour later she hears a loud gasp coming from the entrance. The youngest Weasley stares at her with eyes as round as the headlights of a truck and hiding behind him was a very flustered wild haired Lavender Brown.

"Mione, what the hell?!", he gasps.

"Good, you're finally finished. We need to talk." Her voice is stern and cold, and all colour drains from the man's face.

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 **Authors note:**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **The future shipping is a secret for now, but there will definitely be romance before the end, promise!**

 **Please be gentle with me, this is my first fic I dare to publish and I would be happy to get critics, for I don't have a beta and english also is not my first language..**

 **Thanks you in advance for everything!**

 **Miss Kitty Wonder**


	2. End of an Era

_**The characters and the main idea belongs to the queen J.K. Rowling.**_

First chapter edited!

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 _\- One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of a person who is still alive. -_

She looks at him expectantly, her eyebrows raising slowly with each passing second. He shivers and gulps. Lavender winces when he slowly walkes towards the couch, not knowing what to do – or where to disappear to.

"You can sit down, too, Lavender." Hermione says coldly. Sheepishly avoiding eye contact she, too, steps into the room, sitting down on the edge of the couch farthest away from the other witch.

Ron opens his mouth to say something, but before even the slightest noise could leave him his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend interrupts him:

She deducts coldly. "If I remember correctly you screamed at me yesterday that everything is fine just how it is and that there is nothing at all we should change about it.

But as you just proved right now, it is everything but fine. If we had a real one, this here would not have happened..Or at least it should not have.

Our relationship always felt wrong, Ronald. And are both aware of that. And the only reason we are here is, because the people expect us to be, but not because we really want that. We do not talk, we do not have anything in common and we both know that there are certain things that I will never be able to forgive you, no matter how much time has already passed or will still pass. You think my every thought is pathetic and not worthy to be thought about or relevant at all. You always saw me as a possession, no matter how much you actually dislike me. But I got news for you: I am not a thing you can own. I am a person.

I am Hermione Granger, and my dreams and goals in life do matter.

And I will not give them up for you to sun yourself in this stupid fake fame and superficial attention." Hermione takes a deep breath, but continues before the other wizard can even work through everything he had just heard.

"I will leave, Ron.

I will leave you. I will leave England. I will do everything in my might to find the cure of the obliviate I had to perform on my parents. It was what I had to do, you know that, but you still cannot see what this had cost me. I lost my family this day. And I will fight for them."

Ron listens breathlessly, his face growing more red with every sentence she says.

" And don't come after me. Don't you dare to even try to hold me back any longer. We once were friends, but you stopped being one ages ago. Go on, have fun, but from this day on, I will be gone from your life."

And with this she gets up from the couch and apparatus back to her apartment. It is time to pack.

A few hours later she had sorted through everything: all her papers were ordered, the books and essays she wants or need to keep were packed into her little bag she already had on their search for the horcruxes, together with her clothes and most of her things.

Crookshanks watches her from his favourite shelf spot unmoving.

"Hey boy" she says when she is done "I am really sorry, but I cannot take you with me.. I know that you don't like travels, and I presume it will be a lot of this. But you have two options where you could stay: With Mrs. Weasley at the Burrow or with Ginny and Harry."

When the half-kneazle hears the last names, especially Harrys', he purrs at her and so this matter was also settled.

"We need to go by floo. I know you hate this, but it's just for once, alright?" She talks with him and he lets her pick him up and walks over to the fireplace.

Ginny and Harry are already up and getting ready for the day, when they hear the familiar "swoosh" noise from their living room. Not expecting any visitors, they both reach for their wands before they step closer to the door.

"Ginny? Harry? It's me, Hermione! I need to talk to you, please!" Hermione softly shouts, knowing all too well that the war still sits in their bones.

"Heavens, Hermione.. You had us really worried here, for a second!" Harry grumps out, walking over to her in the living room. Ginny yawns in protest and follows her boyfriend to sit on the couch.

"What is it you need to talk to us about, Hermione? Why did you bring Crookshanks?!" Ginny asks her friend, surprised. "Oh, I hope it's not Ron again... Sorry, Mione, but please, not again.."

"I broke it off, Ginny, just like 5 hours ago. And I wanted to ask you wether you could please take care of Crookshanks for me until I come back."

Ginny and Harry both move in unison, looking alarmed and now more awake at their friend.

"What does that mean, Hermione, until you come back? Are you leaving?" Worry swings in his voice.

"Yes, I am leaving. I want to find a cure for my parents, and I will not find it here, being stuck in a job and a relationship. I already sent my notice to the ministry and I will leave today. I can't stay here any longer, I need to do something. I already wasted two years and I cannot tolerate this behaviour from myself any longer." Her determination swings loud in her voice and her friends immediately know, that they can't talk her out of it.

"Of course he can stay here, Mione." Harry says, knowing that he speaks for both of them "But you need to write us please. I, we, need to know that you are alright, please."

"Okay. Thank you."

And with that Hermione hugs her friends for the last time for a very long time to come.

They smile at each other, a bit sad, and then Hermione Granger is gone.

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 **Authors note:**

 **Hello people! Sorry for the wait.**

 **Thank you so much for the review and follows! And yes, of course there will be a bit of Draco coming!**

 **Thank you for your support, and please leave critics!**

 **Miss Kitty Wonder**


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